something indigestible (and irritating me)

(taken with nikon f on portra 160nc)
hi.
still dark before the dawn, on saturday.
i wasn't able to sleep very well last night and this morning.
i went to bed at 9 last night and woke up at 12, and back to bed at 3 and up finally at 6.
no good sleep.

i have a lot of reason for that.
and main cause of that is that i was upset and shouted at someone in the very midst of my to be peaceful friday dinner.
someone who is not my family member, but the guy living under my home. (i'm in the 2nd floor of the apartment building.)
i was so upset that i couldn't help shouting at him (them).
because of the big noise and thud which shook the floor of ours.
i've been totally fed up with that.
and this was the very motivation to buy a house.

after he moved in, we have had this problem.
sometimes not that bad, and other time intolerably bad.
and the worst thing of this is the fact that i have had a big trauma with the noise problem.
my mother and the big (16 years older) half brother, who isn't an actual her son, used to fight over the noise of the music when i was young.
they fought over a lot of trifle things, but the noise had been always there.
and those bruises make them estranged each other for long after my dad's death.
and me, i've been really scared of, intolerant of, nervous about, easily depressed with and hectically furious with it.

but, now what?
i've been so tired of and beaten by the yell i myself gave them after the incident.
shouting or yelling at the people whom i can't really make it up with later is something indigestible.



now, the time of the dawn is coming right there.
the long hectic night is seemingly about to go away.
oh, lord.
i pray with the dawn for a calm last summer weekend.

have a good weekend, guys.